Dear Lady Gaga,
I guess you are under scrutiny for gaining 25 pounds. Hollywood can be so harsh. I know you have literally been working your ass off to the point of exhaustion, being hospitalized for not eating. Now, you’re happy, rested, and full. I can envision your life-savory food and expensive champagne. I love you Lady Gaga, and I totally get it, but there are some tips to help you achieve a “healthy weight”:
1. Cut out sugary drinks. This includes champagne, unfortunately. Stick to water or seltzer.
2. If you are inclined to drink, opt for vodka and soda or my personal favorite, the Gimlet.
3. I know you love Italian food, but minimizing carbs is a must. Only eat carbs that have two grams of fiber, and try not to eat carbs after 3pm.
4. Cut out dairy. Purchase almond, rice, or hemp milk. Use a vegan cheese called Daiya as an alternative.
5. Exercise consistently. Do ab work everyday. Perform cardio at least 4 to 5 times a week. Do a full body workout 2 to 3 times a week.
6. Once you achieve your weight goal, choose a cheat day. Only one day!
Stay focused, Lady Gaga. I cannot stand them making a mockery out of you like Christina Aguilera or change your style. Certain artists, such as Adele, assert that their talent overrode society’s need for sex appeal. We all know you are talented 25 pounds lighter or heavier. Do what makes you happy.